Thursday, July 4, 2013

Back with a Vengeance

I first want to start out by apologizing. I haven't blogged in almost two weeks, my shop was supposed to open over two weeks ago, and worst of all I haven't been active in the quilting community for weeks.

Over the past few weeks I've been battling depression. This isn't a new song and dance for me. Everyone battles and suffers from depression differently, and I wanted to write this to tell you it's okay.

I'll tell you a little of my background, but you don't need or care to hear my whole sob story. I am an adult child of an alcoholic. That alcoholic is currently drinking himself to death. Over the past couple weeks I made the decision to cut the ties with him and rid my life of his toxicity. This was not an easy decision as I've done this once before and it completely backfired. That's really all you need to know, that, and that my life has not been an easy one.

I am not constantly depressed, I go through spurts of it, and this was the first time in a very long time that depression came knocking down my door. I almost forgot what it felt like, the sadness, the loneliness, the anger, the tiredness, the pain; both emotional and physical. No matter how much you explain it to those around you, if they haven't experienced it, they will never truly understand the capacity of emptiness that you feel when you're swallowed by depression.

What I want you to know is that it's okay. Feel these feelings or you will never get out of it. It's okay to be sad and cry yourself to sleep, it's okay to be lonely yet not want anyone to become involved in your life, it's okay to be angry. Most of all, it's okay to get help. I do see a therapist, and it takes a lot of courage and bravery to see one, but once you do, you begin to feel better and better, day by day.

When you are depressed the things you love don't seem to make you happy anymore. This is why I took a break from quilting. I didn't want to associate quilting with being sad, it's one of the things that makes me happiest in life.

If you, too, suffer from depression, just know that you're not alone and that it is okay to get help.

I've been feeling a bit better the past few days and even began quilting again. My shop will open soon, I will let you all know when I am ready. I'm also working on some really cool stuff for the shop that I'm really excited about and excited to share with you!

Quilt on,


  1. There she is! So glad to see you! We might be twins - I know a thing or two about depression, severe anxiety, and living with alcoholics. I've been where you are countless times. It's not a secret, but I don't generally talk to much about the details publicly. If you ever need to commiserate or just vent - you know who to ping. I understand deep in my soul and never judge.

    1. Thank you, Sudre, it means a lot! I went back and forth about sharing this publicly, but decided that I needed to let people know they're not alone! It's been a rough couple weeks, but I feel like I'm finally coming out of it (with a lot of help from therapist/Derrick!). Thanks for sharing with me, it means so much to know you've been through some of the same things.

  2. Alyx, I admire your courage! It takes real guts to put yourself out there like you have, and I'm sure you will be an encouragement to others who are going through similar situations. Glad you're back and hope to see some wonderful quilting from you again soon - you've been missed! Hugs!


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